A few days ago Leah and I were privileged to sight one of the rarest animals in this area. It is so rare that most scientists insist that it does not exist today, if it ever did. Confirmed sightings in its what is considered to be its normal range are next to nonexistent. There have been only a handful of unconfirmed sightings on the mountain, and even locals dismiss those as hoaxes or misidentifications. But we saw one, and we took its picture: the Lavender Mountain red dirt hog (sus erymanthus enluvius).

Red dirt hog surfacing to breathe

While most people are aware that hogs like to wallow in mud because of a lack of sweat glands and a disposition generally disinclined to excessive concern with personal grooming, few know that many millennia ago, an isolated group of surface hogs living in the Mississippi River Valley slowly evolved so that they could burrow deep into the sediments of that region. Over the following eons, they developed the sharp digging claws and streamlined physiques necessary for spending most of their time diving deep into the earth searching for their prey, the dirt krill. Most fundamentalists deny that surface hogs could have evolved into the dirt hog and insist on a special creation, possibly by the devil, since dirt hogs were historically known to cause extensive damage to crop fields as they surfaced and dived.

Early settlers moving west across the Appalachians confused the dirt hog with the groundhog, attempting to pet them when they surfaced. That resulted in the loss of quite a few fingers and was largely responsible for the dirt hog’s reputation for viciousness. However, it is thought today that the dirt hogs in these cases actually thought they were grabbing earthworms due to their poor eyesight. Nevertheless, it is not advisable to try to pet a dirt hog.

It is thought that the dirt hog slowly colonized eastward from the Mississippi River Valley, following tributaries, until they reached the Appalachian Mountain Range. At that point they advanced southward until they reached the Gulf and Atlantic coastal plains. That then allowed them to proceed up rivers in those regions, eventually landing them as far north as this area.

However, according to the best-known and most reputable cryptozoologists, they should be confined to areas of deep sedimentary deposits, like the flood plains around larger streams and rivers. Conventional science predicts that the dirt hog cannot tunnel through rocky areas, and since they cannot survive long on the surface, they should not be able to reach the top of the mountain. This finding conclusively refutes that position.

We plan to report this sighting to the investigative branch of the National Dirt Hog Association.